An often asked question our Admin message system receives from foreigners is can a long distance relationship work with a filipino woman? They're naturally wondering how to go about them, what to watch for and how successful an LDR is. It's a great question to ask us.
Fortunately, most of the team here have all had long distance relationships. So we've had real life experiences to share. Yes, they do work for most guys. There's some 'gotchas' to be wary of. All relationships have them. Read our break-down below to help you better understand what to do next in a long distance relationship.
We have many long-term members already in a variety of long distance relationships with Filipino women. Everybody is different in how they think about a LDR.
Some guys love dating sites to only chat online with a number of different girls. The distance is irrelevant to them.
A number of these guys also have Pinay girls continually lined up for more casual relationships when they schedule their next holiday to the Philippines.
The last group are foreigners looking to start a more long-term relationship and need to start somehow. This is the most common definition how most people would view a long distance relationship.
There are many foreigners and Philippine girls who are only after online chatting.
For their current circumstances, they've little time for anything else. They break their day-to-day routine to chat with people in another country and that's all they need, for the moment.
This is more common than you realise and is a form of a long-distance relationship.
We also have many members coming online every day just to connect and message people in other cultures. Some have had the same chat-mates for years.
Another form of long-distance relationship is where foreigners or Pinay are looking for something casual when the guy comes to the Philippines for a holiday.
In most cases, the male member of the site is pre-booking girls to meet, when he arrives.
Obviously, they both need to be compatible to enjoy their time together. Many guys who regularly visit the Philippines will travel with the same girl, due to their previous connection. Some change girls because they prefer a variety of women, from different parts of the Philippines.
They are in a casual long-distance relationship.
They will continue to chat on Viber, Skype or Whatsapp to maintain conversation, better know the girl to make sure she will be good travel companion for him when he lands in the country.
The more common definition of a LDR is where both parties are looking to live together, permanently.
They share similar commitments and aspirations.
This is the hardest LDR relationship to get right but is certainly very possible.
We know many foreigners and filipinas who have found love and happiness together. They can choose either to live amongst the Philippines culture or back in his home country.
Filipinos are more than happy to move and live elsewhere - this is the exception to the rule in South East Asia. Most SE Asian girls prefer to stay in their own country which makes some LDRs tougher.
With that mind, the Philippines is the ideal place to find a variety of a long distance relationships. You just need to find the right girl now.
It should be noted that there are a multitude of variants of these 3 main types and many of the first two tend to flow into the third.
I've known many guys who have chatted for years to a few Pinay and end up deciding to fly to the Philippines to meet them. They then hook-up and become travel buddies, spend more time online and have decided they both enjoy each other so much that they are now living together.
If it works, it works.
Filipinos understand if they want to have a foreign boyfriend (and maybe live overseas with that guy) that he is first going to come to the Philippines to visit.
She knows full well to start anything with a foreigner, she will more than likely need to meet him online.
And so the long-distance dating starts.
Foreigners have all heard of the wonders and delights that a Pinay girl can offer them.
They read about and dream of visiting the Philippines to find a girl of their own.
Much needs to be planned and worked out before that trip can even start. He needs to research on the Philippine destinations that attract him. Financial considerations so he has enough money for his holiday as well as for a Filipino travel companion (and the cost she incurs).
After he starts the groundwork on the basics, he needs to start working to find travel companions that align with what he wants to do as well as a girl balanced with his personality and characteristics. No one wants to have a full-time female companion they aren't happy with.
So next is finding a Filipino girlfriend on a dating website where all those girls hang out.
Your first pinay encounter on a website usually won't lead to much at all.
The good thing is, you can contact as many members as you like until you find a few that meet your needs.
Western guys shouldn't be under the impression that any girl he contacts, is for him alone. All girls are playing the field just as much as you should be. Forget exclusivity when you're first starting out.
She also wants to know that the guy she is hoping to meet-up with has the potential to fulfil her needs. Most of them are simply wanting a partner in life who will support her on an emotional, financial and family level.
Don't have a negative view about Philippine women talking to more than just you.
The Philippines is a financially poor country.
It has its fair share of earthquakes as well as extremely violent storms. This wreaks havoc on its' population and businesses.
Filipinos tend to work very hard (when they do have a job) and most try to obtain employment outside their country, for the additional cash earned in foreign lands such as Saudi Arabia etc
Those who do live in the Philippines all desire for a better life for themselves and their future.
That's natural for any person to want.
The easier way for them to move up their lifestyle is to find a foreign boyfriend who is happy with her and what she can provide.
If she plays her cards right, and doesn't play stupid games then a likely outcome for her is a foreigner who will provide for some of their needs and, in time, look to her as his life partner.
Moving to another country allows for her ability for a much higher paying salary job where she can provide for her extended family back in the Philippines.
Filipinos are very family orientated.
Everyone who first makes a connection online or in real life are eager to meet the girl, face to face. That is just normal human nature.
For any relationship to work, there needs to be a level of both compromise as well as trust.
Having thousands of miles of space between you and your girl can lead to a lot of emotional turmoil, sometimes anger, mistrust and suspicion. Which are what you don't want.
So what's a guy and gal to do?
As you are living alone in your home country, your cute little filipina is living thousands of miles away in the Philippines. You need to build trust with her across this huge expanse and she needs to build that same level of trust with you.
Women also have the added emotion of jealousy, thrown into the mix.
Once you establish some rapport with her on the dating site messaging system, it is a good idea to then move to an instant messaging system such as Whatsapp or Skype so that you can have your conversations in a more streamlined way.
And you need to continue them on a regular basis.
Building trust takes time. Destroying trust takes only the second.
Move slow. Use caution. Realise she might have some language problems.
Don't share your financial position.
The experiences of many foreigners clearly shows that sharing your finances with Pinay women eventually leads them wanting more and more money.
Sometimes much worse.
Do explain you will take care of her when you get together on a permanent basis.
Much like any real life relationship, understanding and knowing the other person is integral in realising whether this girl is 'the one' and right for you.
I mentioned earlier that moving to an messaging app was the right thing to do, after you make some girl contacts.
It allows you to send small messages that confirm to the other girl you're thinking of her. And women love that!
Just as these short messages are important, so is video chatting.
Moving into video chats is the next step.
It's important to everyone to be able to look into the eyes of another.
People generally want to see other peoples' eyes.
It's why marketers always show the faces of people looking out of the TV screen, at you. People build trust with other people's eyes.
With video chatting, you're able to visually see conversation nuances with the girl. You can see if she is nervous or confident in talking with you.
It is being with the other person, without physically being there. Be thankful for technology lol
You're building up your knowledge of her as well as establishing trust and a baseline.
Warning to Guys: Just because you can now see her doesn't mean you ask her for naked videos or a cam show.
Don't underestimate the power of a visual connection.
One of the most challenging issues for many men is talking to a lady about his problems.
Women would love it if men did. The way a man's brain is wired is many prefer to keep it to themselves and try to fix the problem by themselves. It's a male thing.
In long-distance relationships, problems will pop up from time to time between you and the lady. Some you will find emotionally disturbing, maybe a little scary and some things you might not be able to understand.
These are perfect examples to be opening up about to your Filipino girl. It allows her to understand what you're thinking. It gives her an opportunity to present her opinions and perhaps you both reach a mutual agreement and work out the issue.
It's a good trust builder.
It shows you are open to her.
Texting and video chats can only take you so far.
At some point, you both need to meet face-to-face and in the flesh. There is nothing like holding another persons' hand or lying in bed together, side-by-side.
It doesn't need to happen straight away.
You can explain you're planning to come to the Philippines to meet her.
Explain why the delay is important to you and the timeline of when you think that journey will happen.
You will never know what a Filipino woman is like until you have lived together for a month or so. Every person has their own strange little ways and idiosyncrasies and that's normal. We all come from different backgrounds and cultures that make us who we are.
This physical time together will allow you to decide as to whether this Pinay is the right one for you.
If she isn't the one, get back online and gather other Philippine girls' details, for standby.
Remember, in life some people lie.
You need to be always on your guard for this. Don't confuse misunderstandings with lies. Misunderstandings often happen in a multi-cultural relationship.
Misunderstandings will always happen in a long distance relationship, with all the short message snippets and confusion in each others' language context.
You should lead by example.
If you say you are going to do something then do it! Keep the promise you made to her.
If she makes a promise and it doesn't happen, explain to her why it is important that she follows through. Avoid a conflict. Think of these first few stumbles as education and discovery.
Keeping promises is another trust builder.
Both of you are building the foundations of something that is yet to come.
Sometimes, life just gets in the way.
If you need to break the promise you made to her, send her a quick text message. It's 10 seconds to do and it can save a considerable amount of time and anguish in the future.
Mind you, if you're breaking promises to her for another girl then this is a different story.
If you been chatting to one girl and she isn't shaping up as the travel companion you really want then simply end it.
But tell her as well.
Explain your reasons and wish her the best of luck in the future.
There's no need to be an asshole and leave the girl guessing.
If the girl you're chatting to is continually breaking promises, then she just might be playing games.
There is no point trying to educate a liar.
Women in the Philippines are no different to any other woman.
There are simply people that you cannot rely upon. Those will never amount to a reliable filipino girlfriend.
You're better to quit and move on to someone else.
Long-distance relationships are just a different process, to achieve the goal you want.
You learn as you go.
Some of the first Philippines girls you meet on the site won't be who you want. And that's cool.
Pinay girls can be the sweetest girls you are ever likely to know.
They are more than OK for a long-distance relationship with you.
They're fully aware LDRs take time and that she will stumble along the way.
Just learn from the little mistakes and move ever forward towards who & what you want.
Author: Martin Cooney
Enjoying Life in Asia/Pacific
Hi, my name is Martin. I have many friends in and traveled throughout the Asia/Pacific regions for the past 17 years. I am passionate in helping others with my insight and past adventures.
I hope you enjoy the stories I write and take a little something away from them. I've contributed to over 160 posts on travel, dating, marriage and relationships.